Blog

How Everything is Love

How Everything is Love

One of my fellow participants on a retreat with Jeannie Zandi once told us about her devastating childhood and it touched me to the core. The abandonment and loneliness of her story reminded me of my own childhood and it killed me. I couldn’t get over it. I didn’t...

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Dissolving

Dissolving

This dissolving into love-shit isn’t pretty my beautiful serene ‘spiritual’ face distorted into every human emotion imaginable small and childish they come and take me robbing me of all my arrogance there is nothing anymore I can claim to be above ridiculous all my...

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The not knowing

The not knowing

We are in uncertain times, and what we can learn from these times is how to be with not-knowing. When our usual routine gets interrupted, we realize that we cannot take anything for granted. Our lives can change completely in an instance and our illusion of safety...

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What we are is peace

What we are is peace

My teacher told me the story of the monks who were happily meditating when a bunch of savage looking guys with big curved swords ran inside screaming. The monks didn’t move a muscle and the biggest meanest guy stood right in front of one of the monks, held up his...

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Being Held by Sacredness

Being Held by Sacredness

    Spirituality is an experience and each of us has our own relationship with it. We can read one hundred books but if we just read it with our minds, and it is not an actual experience, then it is simply a way for the ego to grab onto thinking it knows...

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About fear

About fear

As long as I can remember I have had panic attacks in the night about not being able to breath. Here I am again, waking up suddenly in a total panic and I jump out of bed and try to calm myself. I walk around a bit, shake my arms and legs and feel the sensation in my...

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Humbling

Humbling

As a Dutch person I am prone to arrogance. I am not sure why it is that we Dutch are seemingly more arrogant then a lot of other cultures (maybe except the French 😊) but I know it doesn’t say anything about our underlying self acceptance, because arrogance is just the...

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Hearts (poetry)

Hearts (poetry)

My friend and me when we are together we cry a lot every other sentence one of us chokes up tears falling in our food We are easily touched by the state of the world or our connection to a tree or by the beauty in the hearts of the people we know since we can see...

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Faith

Faith

My father is fervently anti-religion. This is the result of him growing up in a very strict and sober religious household. He loves to discuss religion with other people and his favorite subjects are about belief and faith. He always said that, according to the bible,...

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Faith (poetry)

Faith (poetry)

When I was younger I tried to control all situations I had an agenda for everything but lately I am wandering aimlessly and without knowing curious what is to come my heart light as a feather   Because I realized in hindsight that life was never not by my side that...

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my world is my mirror
it shows me perfectly
that what is not resting yet
that what still feels separate
from the love that I am