The not knowing

We are in uncertain times, and what we can learn from these times is how to be with not-knowing. When our usual routine gets interrupted, we realize that we cannot take anything for granted. Our lives can change completely in an instance and our illusion of safety too.

In truth we never know what comes next. Our house can burn. We can get sick or lose our job from one day to the other. We will lose loved ones. In actuality we never know what comes next, but we usually live under the false illusion of control. We feel that we are somehow controlling our lives by working hard and being diligent.

When this illusion is taken from us we have a chance to sit with reality. The reality that everything always changes and that in the end we will lose everything we love.

The deeper we realize that we have no control over what comes next and that everything in our life is temporary, the scarier life seems. We usually do everything to avoid looking at these truths.

But when we go deep down in to not knowing, we find this deeper reality that never changes. We find that whatever might happen to us, there is a place in us that stays always in peace, always perfectly ok. We realize that that part in us never changes because it is much bigger than just us and includes everything. It is a vast field of rightness, of unconditional love. Everything is always welcome in that field, because it includes everything. There is no good or bad.

Not knowing means giving up the mind and with that the separate self, and going to the direct experience in our body. The only thing that is actually real is that what we experience each moment. The rest is stories that the mind makes up about reality. They are usually about our goodness or badness in relationship to what we experience. So instead of going with ideas about reality, we move from innocence, by feeling and experiencing our way forward. Now I feel this, now I feel this.

Once we are grounded in our bodies and out of our mind with our attention, we can notice the energetic feel of that which holds everything. We notice a subtle benevolent energy that is infinitely vast and outside time or place.  The more we can let go into that energy and melt into it, the more we notice that we are a part of this energy, and that we always have been.

To the mind it can feel like dying to melt into this energy, because we realize that we were never a separate person. We realize nothing is personal. We can practice staying with it and digest all the fears that come up by putting our attention as much as we can on the sensations in our body and so staying in the not knowing.

When we explore this energy and are able to more and more surrender to it, we realize that this is what we have always been looking for outside ourselves in the world. We thought we could find it in people, or money, or achievements but now we realize that there is this field waiting for us to notice it, this home. We realize we are absolutely safe, always, because our essence is part of this big field of Love and will never die.

The more we ground in this field of Love, the more we can live life to the fullest, because we realize how temporary and how precious life is. We realize that we are either resting in Love or -when we can’t- returning to this Love, by noticing and feeling all the small parts that still feel separate.

That is all we are doing here, returning to the Love that we are.