When I was younger
I tried to control all situations
I had an agenda for everything
but lately I am wandering
aimlessly
and without knowing
curious what is to come
my heart light as a feather
 
Because I realized in hindsight
that life was never not by my side
that the challenges’ job was
to humble me
– and what a job they did-
out of my illusion
that I was the one in charge
of Gods immaculate plan,
instead of only the empty vessel
 
Still, I am not sure if I am crazy
or have simply lost enough
so that there is nothing left
to hold onto for dear life
but all I want is to surrender
to what is here now even if it hurts
with this open young girls trust
and the faith that everything is perfect
absolutely perfect
for finding my way home
 
She takes my hand
and leads me to the waterside
on this dark and silent night
while the soft moon
guides us through the tunnels of trees
without warning She dunks me under water
not once but three times
She is teaching me how to drown
without getting in a panic
to die without fear but instead
with excitement for what is to come
 
She tells me to relax and that all is well
and I know it is true
because my faith is endless
and nothing is mine anyway
She pulls me ashore in the tall grass
that smells of hay and flowers
my body is an empty shell
and my mind the endless dark sky
how deep is the gratitude
I feel for this perfect Love
that takes my hand and guides my body
and lives through this heart